MAINTAINING HOPE WHILE CAREGIVING | A Teen’s Perspective I’m Angela Watts, I’m eighteen, and I have been a caregiver for my mom for about four years. She has had Chronic Lyme disease and for those who aren’t aware of what that is… it is a long story. Many online articles don’t get the facts right. I’m not here to give the facts, the science, or the numbers, either. I’m here to encourage caregivers. Caregivers watch loved ones break down again and again. They struggle to offer comfort or hope and sounding like a broken record when they try. They work hard to care for their loved one, feed them, make sure they drink water, get their supplements, and try to find ways to encourage them, the list goes on and varies from person to person. Caregiving isn’t easy. I do not say this to belittle the ill person’s struggles. Actually, I’ve had a large problem belittling my own pain because “it isn’t as bad as my mom’s”. I’m very close to my mother, and she tried to reassure me that I was allowed to be upset, but I tend to bottle things up. For me, there was this “survival mode” I’d enter, where your own emotions become less important than your loved one’s. It isn’t healthy. I can’t undo my journey, but I don’t regret it. I’m using it to encourage you not to make the same mistakes. So, here’s some of my story, and why you can hold onto hope even when all seems hopeless. My mom struggled hard with treatment after treatment for years, none of them truly working. You might know how that feels. Imagine standing on the edge between a cure and death. I’m not being dramatic. My mother was close to dying many times. Every time a treatment failed, I could feel myself--and her and my family, I’m sure--on that edge. It wasn’t a good place to be, but I grew closer to Jesus during those hard times. I begged Him to heal my mom. I begged Him to show us a way to help her. I was praying many things: one prayer would be a plea for a miracle of complete healing, and the next prayer would be “God, just let this treatment work”. And God said no to many of our prayers. But I kept hope. I knew God loved us, that He was taking care of us, even if I didn’t understand why He said no. When we found a doctor who changed our lives, none of us expected things to magically get better. Things continued to be hard: treatment isn’t cheap, travel expenses are hard, Mom detoxing after treatments wore on her body and mind. At one point, my dad packed my mom, my sister and her kids, my brother, and myself, and took us closer to the doctor’s offices… And Dad went back home to work. This was one of the hardest things we did as a family. I remember a lot of those four years, but one memory that sticks with me the most is one night we were in that AIRBNB. Dad was miles and miles away. Mom was in agonizing pain in the other room, trying to go to bed since we all were. But I wasn’t asleep in my room. I’d finished reading my Bible and felt myself breaking. I mean, you might understand why: long days of hard work, my parent in the other room in a pain I can’t imagine or help with, and we didn’t have Dad there to be the rock. Now, I usually didn’t let myself break a whole lot. I was taking care of mom, keeping my life somewhat together, and didn’t have time to be afraid. Being afraid wasn’t Christian-like! But that night, I was pretty afraid. And tired. And alone. And I finally opened up to God. “I’m tired. I can’t do this alone. I can’t be strong anymore. You say “be still” but I only survive by fighting. You tell me to fight. How can I do both?!” Caregivers… be still. I know it is hard. I know you’re scared. Hurting. Tired. I know you remind your loved one a thousand times that they are loved, they are not a burden, and that God will take care of them. I know you try to exercise patience and compassion, even when you often get the brunt of their rage, their pain, and their fear. I know you feel insanely guilty when you slip up, too, and hurt their feelings. But be still. God will get you through everything, not because you aren’t strong enough to do so alone, but because we are never supposed to live alone. We are strong when we surrender to God, not when we fight alone. God has already won the battle you face now, so take heart. When God says be still, it does not always mean “cease to fight”. I think it means “be still in your heart because I’ve got this”. Yes, we have to fight daily, work hard, and only allow ourselves a good cry at night sometimes (seriously, don’t feel bad about crying, or raiding the ice cream late at night, or binge-watching a silly show to calm down)… but we can still be still and know that God is in control. We can’t heal our loved ones. But God can. We don’t know if He will or He won’t, but we can trust that He loves our loved one more than we do. This is something I realized that night: God loves my family more than I do. I didn’t have to protect them from God’s will. I know it’s silly, but this blew my mind that night… imagining God weeping because my mom was weeping in pain? Imaging God crying with me because I’m hurting--not because He can’t do anything. I recalled the story of Lazarus (John 11) and was in absolute awe of my God. He tells us to be still, not because He doesn’t want us to fight, but because He wants us to let Him fight for us, too. So breathe. You are loved. You are going to get through this, too. You can keep hope on the edge. If you ever need to talk, or need prayer, please message me. God bless, Angela R. Watts For More About: Angela R. Watts https://angelarwatts.com/ https://www.facebook.com/AngelaRWattsauthor/ https://www.instagram.com/angelarwattsauthor/
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Hi, it is me again N.C.R., this year I am attending Mount Carmel Bible School. Mount Carmel is an amazing Bible school. But that is not what I want to tell you about. I just wanted to share a little newsy update about me and my family and what happened this Christmas. Now before I begin I just want to back up and say that our family doesn't even keep Christmas. And being homeschooled my whole life I have never even hardly had a Christmas break before. So I guess you could technically say this as my first Christmas break. And I was looking forward to spending a few weeks with my family. Well before Christmas break even started my mom gave me a shopping list. And then when I got home the work immediately started. But I will skip past all the boring work to my uncle's death. He was driving along, then somehow ended up in the ditch where only God knows what happened. That was a few days before Christmas, and a few days after Christmas was his funeral. And one day after my uncle's funeral my brother Sam got a head injury. We are thankful Sam's head injury wasn't worse. (I am not that good at sharing bad news!!!!!!) That is about all the bad things I can think of that happened on Christmas break. I was hoping for more sleep on Christmas break, but that's hard to get when you have so many brothers and sisters. Anyway, why am I sharing all this with you? It is because even though my Christmas break was, well let's just say it was horrible. Even though my Christmas break was horrible. It was also amazing. And I learned a lot, or at least I think I did. Right now I can't think of a single thing I learned on Christmas break. But I do remember some other good things that happened. Well for one I planned to write a book on Christmas break. And I did. I ordered a proof copy of the book, and it should be available to the public pretty soon. I guess that is the only good thing I can remember. I suppose that is enough news for now. Stay tuned for more great stuff coming!!!!! Related blog post: repost-a-blog-post-by-my-mom-about-10-years-ago-about-christmas.html
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